The other day, as with most days, my daughter appeared to finish her morning poop not long after breakfast. Yes, I said poop. There I went and said it again…
Anyhow, she appeared to finish her “business” so I carried her to her changing table and began the process of changing her. As I removed her diaper I learned that she must have simply been practicing because it was empty. At that point she proceeded to grab my left arm (I change her with her head to my left) and gnaw on it, so I briefly lost control of her legs and got distracted.
After telling her a couple of times to “gimme my arm” in that way that all moms do – You know, in that cutsie way that any “Accidental Mommy” never could have seen herself doing prior to having her own kids – I re-focused my attention back to the diaper.
Greenish gunk, the foulest ever smelt (is that a word?) began oozing out. Lovely… I covered her back up with the diaper to let her finish.
I stood there holding the diaper over her nether regions for what felt like an hour.
Fool me once…
When I was sure she was done I grabbed a nice warm wipe and while gagging and wondering if anyone had ever, in fact, died from a foul odor I started to clean her up.
As I was cleaning her I looked at her and in yet another uncharacteristically cutsie voice said “P.U. that’s stinky.” That’s when I noticed that the warm wipe felt a bit warmer…and wet.
I looked down and sure enough, SHE PEED ON ME.
I guess at least it was merely my hand. If she was a boy it could have been much worse!