No I don’t have a security blanket in the strictest sense of the phrase. I used to, but that was a lot time ago, I ditched that thing by the time I went to college (kidding, it was H.S….). But just because (most) adults don’t have actual blankets, doesn’t mean we don’t hold on to stuff that would be considered one.
I spent a most of my late 20’s and my 30’s overweight. Most of it was due to having two kids and pregnancies during which I had a tendency to gain a LOT of weight – to the tune of 50 and 70 lbs. I lost some weight between my kids but I knew it wasn’t permanent. My mind and my heart and my body knew that the roller coaster ride wasn’t over.
Last year I decided to get off the ride.
No more babies.
No more excuses.
I lost over 50lbs and have been able to maintain that loss for over 6 months now.
And my mind and my body know it’s permanent, but we’ve had a hard time convincing my heart. Part of the problem is that I still have weight I want to lose, or at least body parts I want to get into better shape. But the other part of me, the part that struggled for so many years has been afraid to let go.
Last fall I threw away a bunch of clothes that were way too big for me now. I LET GO. Or at least convinced myself that I did. Because I didn’t throw ALL the clothes away that no longer fit. I kept a few. Some shirts and some sweatpants that I always thought HID my weight. Covered it up. No one looks good in sweatpants so I my mind could blame the pants.
Today, I discovered them under a pile of other clothes in my drawer.
Those sweatpants and I have been through a lot together. They say “Navy” on the side because we bought them at the NEX when my husband was in the Navy. I
have had multiple pairs of them. All grey. All XL. All very worn out. They were there when I was pregnant, there when I gave birth (wore them home from the hospital), there when my jeans just didn’t fit.
And they always fit me.
As I looked at the tag, I noticed my new pair of grey sweatpants that I bought to wear around the house and I glanced at the tag.
Guess what I did next?
Can ya guess?
Yes, I tried on the XL sweatpants. And they looked RIDICULOUS. I laughed at myself. Absurd. Not only the pants but the fact that I kept them.
There’s no going back.
I don’t need a pair of pants hiding in the bottom of my drawer.
This is for keeps.
So I decided it was time to throw them out.
Before throwing them out, I had a little fun.
I am owning my size medium. Taking the credit for it. And vowing to do everything in my power to keep it. Or who knows, maybe a small is in my future.
So the pants have been thrown out. All of them. I found 4 pairs total. The rational part of my brain says I kept them as a reminder so I could stay motivated and not return to that point. But 1 pair is a reminder. 4 is a safety net.
Funny, I have a lot more room in my drawer now.