Seven years ago I was pregnant with our first child. We were living in California, my husband was in the Navy were not really planning on having kids just yet and we were scared. But when the reality of it set in, the morning sickness started and the ultrasound confirmed the presence of a little human being, we became parents. In our minds, we had a child. It was still inside, but it was our child. We were still scared, but it was that excited kind of scared – when you know your life will never be the same again but in a good way.
Twelve weeks later, our child died. They could not find a heartbeat and a little bit of us died with her (we don’t know if it was a boy or a girl, but I just say ‘her’ for some reason…).
We searched for answers, yet could not find them. We searched for peace, and it never really came. We have two healthy children now, but there is still a void. Time heals in that it makes the memories wash back less frequently, but it does not eliminate the emotions the “whys?” and the “what ifs?” that surface this time of year.
I am consoled by one thing…
Glory Baby by Watermark